Post Kerberos
by Wrennydennydoo
Summary: "Keith Kogane?" The man standing is an agent to the Kerberos mission- The Kerberos mission. Shiro is on the Kerberos mission. Shiro, Keith's best friend and legal guardian. "Has something happened." He asks, and his stomach starts sinking.
1. Mistake

Keith remembers. He remembers and recalls, tracks and plans. It's all he does- remembers and remembers and remembers.

Sometimes he wishes he could forget.

The day is very clear, then, when he's called to the principal's office at the Galaxy Garrison- he knows he hasn't done anything wrong, lately, and frantically racks his brain to make sure he hasn't pissed off any teacher.

Keith knocks. A quiet "enter" from inside has him opeing the door.

"Keith Kogane?" The man standing is an agent to the Kerberos mission-

The Kerberos mission. Shiro is on the Kerberos mission.

Shiro, Keith's best friend and legal guardian.

"Has something happened." He asks, and his stomach starts sinking. (Keith remembers all of it. All of that day.)

"-pilot error- all the crew members are presumed dead. I am so sorry for your loss."

Keith thinks, no.

He wants to punch someone.

"This is Takashi Shirogane's- His will says all his possessions go to you, including the house-"

Keith can't hear the man-that man- the one in the suit, talking about _Shiro,_ talking about _Shiro's will, Shiro_ is _gone, My best friend is gone._ He thinks he's in shock.

Keith can't hear. 

Later, he thinks about what this means- Shiro. But, Pilot Error?

Shiro doesn't make mistakes like that.

Shiro- isn't infallible. 

Shiro- is - was only human.

After dinner, all students are called to an assembly; Keith doesn't go. He already knows what they're discussing. He sneaks by the guards into the bathrooms, and waits until there are no more footsteps. Then he heads back to his room- he doesn't need the attention from his peers right now.

Shiro- is gone?

Loudly and suddenly, there are shouts from an office down the hall. Iverson-because it's always Iverson- yells, "You again? Get off my computer! How did you get past the guard?"

Keith creeps towards the steel doors, staying behind the trashcans at the corridor intersection. There's another voice that he doesn't recognize, shouting words that make his heart cold.

"You said the space craft went down due to pilot error. I saw the video feed from your probes, there's no evidence of a crash anywhere on Kerberos!" Keith's palms are sweaty. He can hear Iverson scowl.

"Those feeds are classified. I could charge you with treason for hacking into them!" The other person is pushed into the hallway- their face is familiar.

Keith remembers Matt Holt. Shiro had a huge, gay crush on his crew mate- he wouldn't shut up about it. It's not Matt. Matt is gone with Shiro and his huge gay crush.

The person looks ready to fight. "Where's my family?"

Iverson signals a guard and in the hallway he looks oddly gleeful. "Escort Ms. Holt off the premises; make sure every guard knows she's never allowed on Garrison property ever again."

The girl, presumably Matt's sister, is so thin the burly guard can wrap a hand completely around her bicep. Her face is tormented and haunted, completely defiant. She hasn't slept in days. Keith wants to reach out and hug her.

"YOU CAN'T KEEP ME OUT! I'LL FIND THE TRUTH, I'LL NEVER STOP!"

They drag her away, kicking and screaming. 

Keith can't think.


	2. Existential Crisis

Keith can't think- but it's been a week, and he never thought the Galaxy Garrison would hide something like this.

He's skipped all of his classes and only approaches the cafeteria just before meal times. It's 3 am, and he hasn't moved all day.

He's skipped two sessions with the guidance counselor.

It wasn't pilot error.

The Kerberos mission had landed.

Keith can't think. He moves and walks. _I need to get out._

What happened out there?

 _Shiro could be alive?_

But- Shiro is-was?- in space. Shiro is by Pluto, months away from rescue.

 _If Shiro isn't dead, where is he?_

His palms are sweaty, and his feet are too disobedient. He can hear a disapproving voice in his head.

 _"Keith, what are you doing? You know this is stupid. We talked about this. Work off any nervous energy instead of taking it out on other people, OK?"_

He blinks, looking at the emergency exit door (leading out, out, away), drops his hand from the handle. Turns, and heads towards the Garrison Gym. The lights are off; curfew was hours ago, and students aren't allowed out of the dorms after nine. Keith learned long ago that the guards never think to check the gym for students.

There's a treadmill in the darkest corner that he always uses- this isn't the first time. The tread is a little bumpy and none of the other students like this one, so it doesn't have the gross grease and sweat on the panel that the others do.

Keith starts it and jogs, without shoes and in pajamas.

 _Shiro could be alive._

No one uses the gym on Tuesdays. Tuesdays are days for what normal schools have their students do, volleyball and flag football and running laps around a track.

The Garrison isn't normal. Keith sprints until just before breakfast. He stretches while he waits for the hallways to clear.

Tuesdays are worse than Mondays. Bad breakfast, bad consequences for being in the hallways during dead periods, teachers grumpy over missing breakfast. Breakfast is a dead period.

Keith never gets caught.

When he gets back to his room, there's a note taped to the door asking him to go to the guidance counselor's office immediately. He _has_ missed two sessions that week- two, one for anger management, and one for- Shiro. But the way the note is written, full of passive aggressive guidance and as if he has done something wrong, Keith assumes that his roommate told someone he wasn't in their room last night.

 _I guess I'm skipping breakfast._

Keith sighs, grabs a towel and a change of clothes. He heads to the showers.

Unsurprisingly, they're empty, and the water is still hot. Yay for small miracles.

As he washes his hair, he thinks- the Galaxy Garrison _lied._ Part of the IASA, International Aeronautics and Space Administration, lied- this was huge. If it were revealed, it would be a huge scandal.

 _Why did they lie?_

Or Holt, Matt's little sister, whatever her name is, she lied, which is improbable. She has no motive. What is the truth?

 _It wasn't pilot error._ Then what was it?

 _She_ had said the mission landed. They had probes set up. Therefore, the mission had landed.

Then... _Technical failure?_ Equipment failing could be dealt with, and if not, they would have made a public announcement and made a scapegoat of an engineer, not treasured pilot Takashi Shirogane. _Right?_

Keith didn't know enough about Kerberos to say if natural disturbances on the surface were common, but if mission failure was due to a quake, there was no reason to cover that up.

 _Why would they lie?_

Sabotage was taken very seriously among the international science committee- and a saboteur would need a motive. But if it were sabotage, _why would they blame it on "pilot error?"_

 _And where is Shiro?_

By the time Keith is getting dressed, he has reached one mostly plausible theory: Galaxy Garrison, and by extension the IASA, were covering up because they were afraid, or unsure of something. Something probably not of Earth that they would consider too dangerous or too radical to tell the public about- or at least not without substantial proof-

Keith doesn't allow himself to think any further. That's scary. That's huge. If his theory is correct, then- where is Shiro?

 _Where is Shiro?_

 _Fuck you, existential crisis. Sincerely, Keith-_

Keith is fine.

 _I'm fine._

He doesn't let himself hope.

He gives up avoiding the guidance councilor before lunch- official lunch, not just his weird eating habits lunch. He can see Dr. Evans waiting for him, right outside the door of the cafeteria. He resolves to join her for a discussion on the finer arts of emotions and bullshitting- but later, because _holy shit aliens probably exist and- if Shiro's alive what then?_

He skips lunch to think on the roof of the school.

It's peaceful, for a while, and he wishes he could tie his hair back so it doesn't keep getting in his face. It's very windy out.

Keith hears the roof door opening on its squeaky hinges, and he's fully prepared to get yelled at when an instructor finds him on the roof- but it's a student. Keith vaguely knows this person, he's on the cargo pilot track. He scored second best in their year, second to Keith, which is not an accomplishment as all the other pilot wannabes could barely drive cars.

The kid is humming to himself when he shuts the door, but when he turns around he yelps, almost dropping his lunch tray. He yelps.

"AH! Oh, man, you, sir, are a ninja. Uh, I didn't, like, interrupt you up here or anything- um, I'll just go,,,"

Keith wants to encourage that very much, except. Food. Keith hasn't eaten since dinner last night, and he jogged something like 28 miles earlier. So out of the kindness of his heart, (and the hope in his stomach) he says, "Nah, you're fine," and hoping he remembers this kid's name correctly, "Lance, right?"

The kid looks surprised at being recognized. "Uh, yeah, that's me. Mind if I sit down?"

Keith shakes his head, but his stomach answers for him, with a loud and embarrassing growl.

Lance sets the tray down and swings his legs over the edge of the roof, mimicking Keith. "Hey, d'you wanna share? Are you skipping lunch?"

Keith nods and shamelessly grabs a french fry. "Yeah," he admits, "And breakfast."

Lance whistles and brushes his brown hair out of his eyes. "Man, if I skipped more than one meal at a time I'd be starved!" and then, watching Keith really go to town on the fries, "Here, just take the rest."

"Thanks," Keith mutters. If he's being honest with himself brown-hair-pilot-lance is a little attractive, and that makes him all the more annoying. Keith waits for him to leave; human interaction was never his strong point.

"So, short handsome stranger," Lance unfortunately continues talking, and short circuits Keith's brain in the process. "What're you doing up on this lovely rooftop, skipping both lunch and breakfast?"

Keith honestly can't think of anything other than _crap he's flirting what do I do_.

"Um." He replies, _way to go that sounded so intelligent, wait why do you even care you barely know him,_ "I'm avoiding teachers at the moment. They're... out to get me."

Lance nods sagely. "Ah, yes, I very much know what that is like. They can't give you detention if they can't find you!"

"Some us don't get caught and given detention in the first place," Keith says, and Lance chuckles, a low warm sound that is somehow cute and alluring at the same time.

"Ah, bro, low blow!"

This is Keith's limit to humans. He shoves food in his mouth so he doesn't have to respond, tunes out Lance and his attractive tiny smile lines at the corners of his mouth, and prays for the bell to ring soon.

 _Fuck, he's cute. Shiro would laugh so hard at this-_

 _Shiro. Where is Shiro?_


	3. Straight(ish) Priorities

The bell rings pretty soon after Lance gives up his food, and said attractive annoyance heads to class.

"You'll be back in flight unit next week, yeah?" Lance glances at the back of Keith's head, pushing himself to his feet. Keith can feel his eyes, and it's less of a question and more of an expectation.

Keith shrugs. This- concern? Interest?- from brown-hair-pilot-lance is disconcerting. They barely know each other. Keith usually receives friendly suggestions like this from only Shiro- _Received. Received this concern only from Shiro._

 _Shiro is gone._

He takes a deep breath.

By the time he pulls himself out of outer space, Lance is gone.

 _That's a real travesty_. Keith dryly comments in his head, staring at the azure sky, cloudless over miles of desert, rocky and dry and red, and resigns himself to death by guidance counselor.

Or death by being late to class. If he hurries, he might make it, and would have an excuse not to go talk to Dr. Evans.

Admiring a passing bird, Keith thinks he may have forgotten what his class schedule is.

Shiro would be disappointed.

 _Shiro isn't here,_ Keith sharply reminds himself.

 _He could still be alive, though- no. I'm not going through this._

 _If he's out there, I'll find him._

 _...I have to pass all my classes first..._

Guidance counselor. Right.

* * *

Dr. Evans is Not Nice to Keith.

She's perfectly fine to him, treats him nicely, cares about his emotions- but not too much, because it's her job to decide every year if Keith (and all the other pilot wannabes) can handle the Galaxy Garrison and the stress of being a pilot.

She holds a special place in her heart (and filing cabinet) for Keith.

He's still trying to decide if that's lucky or unlucky.

She starts out simple, smiling and greeting him at the door. "So, how has your week been?"

She gestures to a bean bag. Her office is all cool colors, with a desk in the corner, but a coffee table surrounded by pillows and blankets is where she does business.

Keith shrugs noncommittally. "I talked to a person this morning. That counts as 'positive social interaction, right?"

He's casual. He's just here to check off boxes on a piece of paper.

 _Come on, Keith, don't be like this. You don't need to tell me what's wrong; I won't push you. Wanna watch a movie?_ The voice that sounds like Shiro comes out of nowhere and hits him like a truck.

When this is over, Keith decides to marathon Star Wars.

"-Keith? Is there something wrong?"

Right. Dr. Evans is weird about him phasing out.

"I'm fine. I just... Had a thought." She smiles, calculating but no less warm.

"Would you like to share it?" It is a question, but devoid of all curiosity. Keith sinks deeper into his beanbag.

"No."

Suddenly, she switches tracks. "So, who'd you meet this morning?"

"One of the other pilots found me on the roof." Immediately he knew this was the wrong thing to say. Students aren't supposed to have access to the roof, and she'd interpret him being up there exactly wrong.

She frowns. "What were you doing up there?" There it is.

"Thinking. It's very peaceful up there," he says, looking up.

"I meant both of you," She clarifies. "Did you talk?" _Well, duh._

"No. Mostly he... chattered, while I ate all his food." As an afterthought, Keith addded, "and the cafeteria food is decreasing in quality. I'm pretty sure that stuff isn't approved by the health center."

"So you have eaten today."

"Yes."

"You have also been skipping meals."

"You know that. Why bother asking?" Keith feels annoyed. This feels like a health check, not a guidance session. He's wasting time.

"You've also been skipping class," Dr. Evans presses.

Keith snaps. "Will you just get to the point?"

She raises the clipboard. "Your roommate came to me this morning and said that you disappeared last night. He also informed me," She flipped a page, "that you've been having increasingly disturbing dreams in which you've cried out multiple times, which you typically wake from after about ten minutes, then don't sleep the rest of the night.

"You just lost a very close family member. You've skipped class, and guidance sessions, all week. If you want to continue at the Galaxy Garrison, you need to deal with this in a positive manner. The death of a loved one isn't something you brush off, Keith."

"Shiro isn't dead!" It rushes out. "Shiro...Shiro isn't dead."

"Keith. Where is Shiro?" She watches with careful curiosity, and asks with genuine interest. He folds his face into his hands.

 _You shouldn't risk this, Keith. Your education is important- Shiro is important, and out there._

"I can't tell you yet." It comes out muffled. He knows that denial is the first stage of grief. He knows that he's running the risk of getting marked as 'unstable' and having to quit Galaxy Garrison by doing this.

"Would you like to explain your thought process?" Same tone of voice; She's writing in her head, into that file in her cabinet.

He can hear what she's telling him. _If you aren't careful, you'll get kicked out._

He needs to be careful.

"I think... I think there might be more to the story. But if I'm wrong, it'll sound bad. So if it's all the same to you," It's not all the same to her, he can see it in her eyes, "I'll keep my theory to myself until it's proven."

"That's fine. I look forward to hearing your theory someday." Her perfectly manicured fingernails pick at a hanging thread on her own beanbag in bright yellow. "Anything else you'd like to talk about?"

Keith shrugs, about to get up and leave, when he pauses and says, "Actually, do you have a spare copy of my schedule? I can't remember when any of my classes are." He even shoots her a cheeky smile as she pulls a sheet of green paper from her clip board and hands it over, looking very exasperated.

"I expect to see you in classes with perfect attendance this week, mister," Dr. Evans says to his back. Keith shuts the door on his way out.

 _That wasn't so bad._

Now he has his priorities straight- or, straighter.

Pass Galaxy Garrison classes and graduate. Become pilot on the next mission. Get in space, help advance space technology, discover alien races, find Shiro.

 _He might as well be dead. He might be dead if-when- I find him._

 _I will find him._

* * *

Keith spends the next month _not_ getting kicked out of Galaxy Garrison.

It's harder than he thought it would be. It seems like every five seconds some stupid cadet is asking him about Shiro, about if he thinks Shiro fucked up and killed the crew, about if he ever needs an ear to hear his troubles 'you can totally come to me, Keith!' 'I totally understand your loss, my dog died last year and I was devastated!'

Keith just wants to be left alone. _I will not punch anyone._

Wearing all black is sounding pretty good at this point- it also means he'd be breaking rules and not wearing his uniform.

All the instructors are also being completely normal, too normal, so normal Keith feels extra edgy and like he wants to revert to his "emo stage", as Shiro calls- _called_ it.

 _Should I think about him in past or future tense?_ Keith wonders during free training in the gym. His treadmill is isolated in the corner, and everyone else is avoiding him.

This maybe-dead Shiro thing is hurting his head.

Suddenly, there's a person on the next treadmill over.

Keith doesn't look over, and it takes all of his willpower. There are a limited number of people who would be jogging during free gym, and none of them want anything to do with him, except...

"Hey man, what's up?" Keith has been both hoping for and dreading this moment for about four weeks. Today is not the best day for this encounter, but sure enough, he turns his head and Lance is jogging next to him.

Keith shrugs as best he can, gives a thumbs up, and pretends to be out of breath. He doesn't want to talk. He's been in a bad mood since the teachers ran out of coffee, and there is no more for him to mooch until the weekend.

Shiro used to supply coffee, the good kind, for him.

Maybe one of the other cadets have a stash he can steal from.

He speeds up the treadmill.


End file.
